Politically correct speech spun out of orbit a long time ago. In Seattle, Washington, influential do-gooders, masquerading as language police, discussed “what ifs.” An internal city memo, proposed banning certain words, that could be misconstrued or misapplied. The word “citizen,” banned, because it could possibly offend non-citizens. “Why not call them residents?” …Was suggested. It’s not known whether or not there’d been any non-citizen complaints. Another banned term was “brown bag” (as in brown bag lunch). “Brown bag” could be construed as offensive to certain minority groups. …Alternative acceptable words–“sack lunch,” and “lunch and learn.”
Meanwhile, we’re destroying our language bit by bit. Our remaining wordings will be hopelessly dull–like warehouse inventory data sheets. We’ll be completely gender neutral–left with euphemisms, happily dancing around, what, we were really trying to say; secure in the knowledge, that no one has been, or could possibly ever be, offended. Restricted, sanitized syntax, could then be compared to “Conehead” “robot-like” family conversations on past episodes of “Saturday Night Live.”
Fellow earthlings, take precautions, watch your language, while incinerating “protein patties” in your outdoor backyard living space this weekend. You never know who could be listening. Don’t forget to procure the “starched planes,” (hamburger buns), on which to place said “protein patties,” and lay in mass quantities of your favorite chilled beverage. Although, “Beldar,” patriarch of the Conehead family unit, preferred “Blatz” beer–it’s really your choice, fellow earthlings.
Memo to the “language police”–stay away from hardware and auto parts stores! They’re my last bastions of sanity in this “touchy-feely,” “sensitivity training gone mad,” world. Therein lies a plethora of electrical and plumbing fittings, along with auto parts, that definitely are not “gender-neutral.”
I am speaking about gender-specific terminologies that succinctly describe how components fit together and their relationships to each other, without using a bushel basket full of words. To change nomenclature would be a crime. I would be highly offended–if anyone cares.
Related articles
- In Seattle, the terms ‘citizen’ and ‘brown bag’ are now offensive (upi.com)
- Are you ‘brown bagging it?’ City warns you to watch your mouth (q13fox.com)
itinerantneerdowell 
The Coneheads are just proof positive that extended vocabulary can be utilized for humorous purposes. I approve.
It is true! Freedom of speech is being overwhelmed by fear of speaking and accidentally saying the “wrong” thing.
We fear now that we will offend our neighbor, the teachers, the store cashers, the pizza boy (did I really say that??), and even other family members.
The very worst is the way the word ‘Christmas’ has been virtually eliminated from the American English vocabulary. It is now ‘Seasons Greetings’ or ‘Happy Holidays’. BAH Humbug!!
I agree–was shocked to learn some call Christmas trees, “Dream trees.”