A Creative Hour

Welcome to, yet another, in a series of morning, creative endeavors.  Here, with Marty, my imaginary, sometimes annoying, alter-ego.

“Summer is creeping up on us.”

“That’s right, You.”

Why Marty never called me by my real name was still a mystery.

“Along with outdoor activities–backyard barbecues, splashes in the pool, will come annoying bugs and gnats.”

“You better know it.”

“They’ll bug you when you’re swimming in your pool, they’ll bug you when you’re gassing up your car, they’ll bug you–make you look like a fool.”

“Marty, any particular reason you’re channeling Dylan this morning?”

“No, it’s just a Dylanesque kind of day.” 

“Any suggestions for keeping annoying summer insect pests away?”

“I put a baggie full of water over my porch’s screen door.  It’s supposed to keep gnats away.  It broke and somebody got drenched.”

“Any suggestions that work?”

“Not sure how well they work–citronella candles, dryer sheets, spray on, outdoor repellent.  Anyway, it makes people feel better–knowing they’ve done something.”

“So Marty, what you’re saying is, they’re really like placebos.”

“You know that’s right.”

“Coming up–weather gossip on the fives.”

For a Limited Time Only…

Save on gas

Get the last laugh

Don’t go broke

101 funny jokes

Tiny sea monkeys

Animal magnetism

Authoritarianism

Ventriloquism

X-Ray glasses

Chinchilla ranches

Learn latest dances

Emu feather bolsters

Concealed holsters

Rebuild a carburetor

Repair refrigerators

Instant gratification

Social stratification

Achieve your certification

How to meet girls

Make cakes with swirls

Cuteness overloads

Without going overboard

Sleep learning

Learning from lemons

Learn a language

Cash from garbage

Learn from home

Work from home

Build you own home

Pheromones

Metronomes

Become a phenomenon

Don’t be alone

Make your own drone

Mental notebooks

Mental alarms

Mental mastery

Mystery writers

Water swarming

Water warming

Water warnings

Allergy meditations

Herbal medications

Fatalism

Philatelists

The new feudalism?

 

What a Wacky Week

In Waynesboro, VA, a renegade cat shaver is on the loose.  Residents are perturbed, because pet cats have been captured, and returned with their bellies shaven.

It’s not only animal cruelty–it’s just plain weird.  Saving cats from cat shavers should not be on cat owner’s to-do lists.

Nordstrom’s marketed fashion jeans replete with fake mud stains for 425 per pair.  Do-it yourself jean muddying is free.  It’s done with pure mud from your own backyard–not with chemicals.

My current state of residence was featured on “The Daily Show” this week–complete with the usual stereotypes.  Rednecks, buffoonery, lots of politics.  Our governor was recently impeached after a year of denial.

About baiting game with jerky–funny skit, but not true.  We’ve got our share of weirdos, but doesn’t every other state?  My state of birth, currently has two ex-governors in lock-up.  What about Anthony Weiner?  Maybe your state’s governor just hasn’t been caught up with yet?

 

Spinning Out of Control

MOAB’s, FOAB’s

Parental acronyms

For ultimate weapons

Terminology seized upon

By capitalist opportunists

MOACS–mothers of all clearance sales

MOAP’s, FOAP’s–mothers, fathers of all pizzas

MOAPCS–Mother of all pre-owned car sales

Overplayed, until they became PM,F,OATTA

Pathetic mothers, fathers of all trite, tired, acronyms

I won’t even mention, except in passing

The poor folks in Moab, Utah

What must they be thinking?

 

 

Weekend, Wrapped Up

The weather’s perfect.  Took Max to his favorite place this morning, just as the sun was rising.

I was saddened that, once again, some low-life vandalized the boardwalk overlook area.  Fish entrails were scattered about; big notches cut into the top rail.

On a more positive note, a dead tree near the canoe launch site, was chock-full of roosting cormorants.  Mist was still rising from the water.  I counted 28 of them.  The things one sees without a camera.

Highlight of the day was a trip to a well-known, membership wholesale store–accompanied by thousands of other shoppers, more enthusiastic than I.

The pregnant giraffe that sparked an internet frenzy, is still pregnant.

It’s not too late to fill out brackets for the NCAA playoffs.  It should be easier, now that the number of contenders has narrowed considerably.

Don’t dare mention anything about this to my spouse–her favorite programs on the sponsoring TV network have been preempted.  An unforgiveable sin of omission.

Three more Monopoly game pieces have fallen out of favor–the boot, thimble, and wheelbarrow.  The iron was previously kicked out.

Could there be any significance to the fact that most of the disfavored pieces signified manual labor?  The booted out boot represented typical working stiffs.

How did this come about?  Results of an internet vote, put up by Hasbro, current owners of the popular board game.  Growing up it was owned by Parker Brothers.

This could be an E-bay opportunity for “running-dog capitalists.”  Selling culturally banned items–specifically, banned Monopoly board pieces.

“Keep it quiet.  I may know somebody, who knows somebody, that may have… And you didn’t hear it from me.”

 

What You Needed To Know (Stream of Consciousness)

Curtain rose, then fell

Magazine covers

Wrinkled, torn

Inside passages

“I’m Joe’s Liver”

“Why can’t Johnny read?”

Asked, then answered

For those that believed

Cautioned, stern warnings

Kudzu clan was on the loose

Worst earthquakes

Were yet to come

Best to plan ahead

Dream queens, dream screams

Worst mistakes, “they” ever made

Why we dreamed–what dreams meant

Baby bumps, career bump-ups

Deflated balloons departed

Decorated trees in festive mylar

Get well, good luck!

Don’t give up–too soon!

Uncanny caring

Unconscious staring

Big sales, slips and flops

Ubiquitous, unorthodox shops

Favorable phases of the moon

Back to basics, think smaller

How to look taller

Luck, lack of luck?

Hidden gold mines

Could work this time?

You didn’t know

How lucky you were