William B. Stanton IV, owner and CEO of the Milford, Connecticut based Stanton-Weaver Department store chain, at a press conference today, announced the discontinuation of their “Subtle Hints” initiative.
“It was an innovative idea, that just didn’t come into fruition,” Mr. Stanton explained. “Board Chairman, Don Fletcher, and the rest of the directorship, conceived it, as a valuable asset to our “Wedding Registry.”
“After all, males of the species, sometimes need help remembering important events–like anniversaries, birthdays, meetings, and the like. Perhaps “Subtle Hints” should go in new direction. Because the message didn’t get through. As of today, “Subtle Hints” are a thing of the past”
“Our “Subtle Hints” platform existed in various forms–cards, small figurines with messages. Some items had embedded, digitally recorded music or messages. These were to be placed in strategic locations, for the errant to find. Like in golf bags and fishing tackle boxes,” Mr. Stanton continued. Quite frankly, they were a flop.
“Don, would you explain for us?” “First of all, I’d like to say how excited we were when this first started,” Don said. “We had high hopes. To our surprise, things looked promising initially–till, the bottom fell out.”
“Guys, there will be NO MORE “SUBTLE HINTS! Our customer survey answers were quite revealing. Please pick up a copy of meeting highlights and customer survey results near the main entrances.”
Mrs. S., “My husband, the lazy bum, never gets off the couch. How’s he going to take a hint? And by the way–he hasn’t worked in three years.”
Ellen T., “This whole idea is too subtle. Why would my husband read a ‘Subtle Hints’ reminder card, to remind him of something he’s supposed to remember? He can’t remember to put down the toilet seat and lift the lid. He can’t remember to take out the trash. That’s just crazy.”
Ashley M., “The only thing that would get my lunkhead boyfriend’s attention, is a cartoon jack-in-the-box with a big boxing glove on a spring–or maybe, a cold beer.”
Mr. Lonnie T., “I didn’t appreciate the, “Remem-mem, mem-member, Remem-mem-ber song, Beach Boys, Chuck Berry, or Michael Jackson style. Whatever it was supposed to be–a singing chicken, popped out of my briefcase during a board meeting. It was the most asinine, cockamamie, thing I’ve ever seen. I was totally humiliated.”
“So there you have it–the battle of the sexes goes on,” Mr. Stanton concluded. “And, as much as I hate to admit it–perhaps we were too subtle. Stanton-Weaver will continue to respond to the changing needs of our valued customers. Thank you for being here–that’s all for today.”