When June Got Here

Sad sacks

Door-to-door

Solicitors

Scoured urban

Desert islands

In hopes, that

By the time

June arrived

They would

No longer be there

Shaded by knowledge

From trees of

Good and evil

Lives summarized

In single minute

Sound bytes

 

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Arnold Ziffel–More Than Bacon?

One of my favorite animal actors from the sappy sixties sitcom era.  There were many others.  A second look at a post honoring Arnold Ziffel, the charismatic pig, from Green Acres.

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Fans of Arnold Ziffel, the famed Green Acres pig, are taking legal action to trademark the name “Arnold,” “Arnold the Pig,” and “Arnold Ziffel.”  Frances Gingham, president of the FAZ Fan Club, and Arnold Ziffel Enterprises, had this to say.  “We’re doing this to honor the original Arnold, and her descendants.  He was really a she–you know.”

“As true Green Acres fans would tell you–Arnold made the show.  What other show in television history featured such a charismatic, talented pig?  The only one that even came close, was Wilbur from ‘Charlotte’s Web.’  Wilbur may have been ‘some pig,’ but, he didn’t have a prime-time sitcom.”

“Future plans include filing suit against Arnold, MO–and any other ‘Arnolds’ as we see fit, for trademark infringement.  No other Chester White piglets–except those from the original bloodlines, should ever be named Arnold.  It’s the least we can do for Arnold,” Mrs. Gingham said.  “Until they cease-and-desist–we will do what’s necessary to achieve our ends.”

Arnold, MO mayor, Greg Fillmore, said in response, “Yes, I heard about it.  I think it’s ridiculous.  The city of Arnold existed long before there was an Arnold the Pig.  Arnold the Pig may have brought home the bacon for CBS back in the sixties; that doesn’t mean we have to kowtow to such unreasonable demands.”

“Tell Ms. Gingham and her group, that we’re nice people, here in Arnold, MO–but, we don’t like to be messed with!  Why was Arnold Ziffel, any more significant, than Mr. Ed, the talking horse?  Wile-E-Coyote and the Roadrunner were funnier.  They had me laughing from the jump.”

“As a conciliatory gesture, we’re not opposed to honoring the legendary porcine entertainer.  Instead of getting involved in a legal wrangle–maybe we should capitalize on our fair cities’ name?  We could bring everything here.  The Midwest has plenty of hog farms.  An Arnold the Pig statue in the center of town would bring in tourists.”

“A Green Acres Museum featuring Arnold Ziffel, as the centerpiece would be nice–too.  And while we’re at it–why not have a Hooterville theme park, with the Shady Rest Hotel, Sam Drucker’s store, a railroad, and steam locomotive?  We could also have an Arnold the Pig Day during Autumn Apple Festival.”

Mayor Fillmore was passionate–as was, FAZ president, Gingham.  I suppose all animal actors deserve their due.  Entertainers bring out the best and worst in people.  We’ll have to wait-and-see what happens with Arnold.

There once happened to be, an Addams Family, arachnid actor–Wednesday Addam’s creepy favorite spider, named Homer.  That was a little too much for me.  Professional performing pigs aren’t that unusual.  Carnivals, circuses, county fairs, have an extensive performing animal history.  And, there was, “Flipper,” a gregarious, sitcom dolphin.  However, I may pitch the theme park idea–when I’m back in Hollywood.

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Dana Chalupa, “Entertainment Newsbit,” Imaginary News Network, Hollywood©

 

Inch-By-Inch, Step-By-Step…

She stalked my two dogs this morning.  A friendly little Manx cat wanted to make their acquaintances.  The friendship was not to be.  Maggie hated all cats, made no distinction between friendship and aggression.

Maggie, upon her arrival, convinced her brother canine, that he would be wise to follow suit.  Maggie growled, barked; disrupted the normally quiet neighborhood.  The little cat didn’t give up and followed our entourage for about a block.

An unplanned trip to the dentist lies ahead this morning.  All attempts to divert my attention, are welcomed.  Unfortunately, tooth pain has failed to squelch my appetite.  It’s made morning coffee less enjoyable–that’s unacceptable.

Do you remember, girls snipping loops from the backs of boy’s ivy league shirts; collecting them like trophies?  They called them “fruit loops.”  That could have been featured on a “Laverne and Shirley” episode?  Boys that wore shirt collars turned up were thought of as “hoods.” Of course that went along with greasy hair, “ducktail” haircuts, and “pegged” jeans.  I guess that was the predecessor of “gangsta” culture.

Knock-Knock Who’s There…

Knock-knock who’s there?

Knick-knacks, knackwurst

Don’t like it?  Don’t knock it

Tired punchlines–nobody cared

Lost among receding hairlines

Expanding waistlines

Figures of speech

Nobody under thirty understood

Fedora hats replaced

By baseball caps worn backward

By those aspiring to be hip and cool

Gomer Pyle, Satch from the Bowery Boys

Sported askew caps and portrayed fools

 

Overthinking Is Never Done

It was 97, a few days ago.  Finally, some cool autumn mornings are on the way.  Max, the wonder dog will be happy.  Mosquitos and gnats will be gone somewhere else.

This morning, illuminated by flashlight, was a black plastic fork in the road.  “When you come to a fork in the road–take it.”  Thanks Yogi for the suggestion,  but I’ll politely decline.  It appeared to have crusted food on it.

Speaking of Yogi Berra, there’s a family connection.  My first cousin, once removed, attended high school with Yogi.  She grew up in the same neighborhood as Yogi, Joe Garagiola, and Harry Caray.

When it comes to some tech–I’m mentally challenged.  My goal as I age is to simplify my life.  Are there Cliff’s Notes or Tech for Dummies books out there?  There’s an answer for everything on the internet–whether it’s right or not.

Just in time for Thanksgiving; canned pumpkin isn’t really pumpkin.  What?  Apparently, it is mostly butternut squash, because of the smoother texture.  What’s wrong with texture in food?  That’s why I like pears-because of their grainy texture.

I’ve uncluttered my mind for another day.  It’s OK, I’ll just clutter it up again.