Doves & Owls (Free Philosophizing and Yard Art)

Nobody under the age of fifty will remember Mrs. Olsen, spokesperson for the Folger’s coffee brand.  She spoke with a Scandinavian accent and hawked “mountain grown” Folger’s coffee.

The UK and associated nations celebrate Boxing Day.  Last Holiday Season I received an advertisement on my computer, for Boxing Day sales in Australia.  My daughter resides there.

I propose a new Holiday tradition–Re-gifting Day.  A reason to get rid of those unwanted items cluttering the house.  Perhaps providing others with useful items?  At the very least, providing material to store for Re-gifting Day the following year.

Faking sickness:  Children will find it more difficult, because of energy efficient lighting, emitting far less heat energy.  Holding a thermometer against LED light bulbs will do little to fake high fevers.

Walk it off.  Wait and see.  Advice for those with aches and pains not severe enough to stay home from work or school.  There’s a whole Sudafed Army of us out there.

There are many “words of the moment” that become overused and trite.  So many, that I can never hope to keep current.  However, two that should be put to rest, are “epic” and legendary.”

Ego tourists: Loyalty program snobs: Latest terminology to describe those “entitled” persons that misbehave/bully other vacationers on cruise ships and at resorts.  The same people that cut you off in traffic, go on vacations.  Imagine that?

 

Wrong Way Willies

After getting lost, making a few wrong turns, I learned to appreciate Australia’s many roundabouts. Never thought I’d ever say that.

Because I’m older, I’ve never learned to completely trust electronic devices. For that reason, there were many arguments over GPS directions–which seemed incorrect to me.

Several times I was right. The most glaring example, early morning Thursday, on the way back to Melbourne airport. GPS threw in an unexpected exit from the inner city freeway. I followed it through, because I was tired of arguments with my spouse.

GPS sent us to Crown Casino at six in the morning. How this was connected to Melbourne International Airport, I’ll never know. I suggested entering Hertz Airport Rent A Car, and everything got back on track.

Australia was a mixture of the familiar, and the unfamiliar. McDonalds restaurants were everywhere. Not a surprise, they had them when I was previously in Germany. Burger King restaurants, were called Hungry Jacks.

There were no Wal-Marts. Although, there were K-Marts and Target stores.  No Dollar Stores, no Poundland stores–like in the UK.  There were “Rejects” stores.  Which may have been off-price merchandise stores?  I liked no-tipping in restaurants. Tips and all taxes were included in meal prices. You paid by table number, no waiting for restaurant checks.

Weather nerds will appreciate that circulation around low pressure systems was clockwise. Circulation around high pressure systems was counter-clockwise. Water circulated clockwise down drains.

I concluded, that If I lived in my daughter’s neighborhood, which was on a hillside, I would be much healthier. Going to and from the mailbox and trash bins, was quite a workout.

I’ll miss the unique local bird species–parakeets, cockatoos, and kookaburras, that hung around mornings and evenings.

Mirror, Mirror

After watching a popular daytime game show, it occurred to me that all large and small household appliances, should have self-contained electronic devices, to allow instant communication.

More importantly, to indulge those addicted to taking selfies every ten minutes.

Here I am making toast.
Searching the fridge for yummy leftovers.
At the trash compactor again–all about recycling.
Yes, I’m hopelessly addicted to pop-tarts.
Here’s proof, that I, indeed, do laundry.
A video of me, taken by my robot vacuum cleaner.

A Horse By Any Other Name

Why was it that some folks frequently butchered names of persons, places, and things?

For example, “Hokyo,” instead of Tokyo, “Thighland, instead of Thailand. An older couple in a restaurant, referred to jalapeno peppers, as “Joplins.” Perhaps, it was a way to make the unfamiliar make sense.

Foreign words are perhaps the easiest to stumble over.  Some French words are a mystery to me.  I’m most familiar with American English–as it applies to someone raised in the Midwest.

Something as personal as someone’s name, could be unfamiliar.  It’s less embarrassing to ask how it’s pronounced, rather than mess it up completely.

Those raised in other parts of the country, called water fountains “bubblers;” referred to carbonated soft drinks as “pop” or “soda pop;” called grocery shopping carts, “buggies.”

If in doubt do as the locals do.  Although, a hardware store caller mystified me, when working there.  She asked for “moronic acid.”  Upon further examination, she wanted muriatic acid–a heavy-duty cleaning product.

Redd Foxx, in the TV show, “Sanford and Son,” called hors d’oeuvre, “horse divers.”  It was comedic butchery, and a deliberate put-down of French cuisine.

A horse is still a horse, no matter what it’s called.  No matter where it’s from.

Short Attention Span Theatre

I’m sure there are those among us that will be dismayed, because Santa didn’t bring what they wanted.

Stuck waiting for punch lines, because there should have been more, but, there wasn’t.

Personal electronic devices allowed us the “have it our way.” That was until advertisers and spammers worked their way around firewalls and roadblocks.

Internet “click bait,” has the same content as supermarket tabloids. You Tube videos are chock-full of pop-up ads. Included political ads recently–to my dismay.

Has anyone tabulated the percentage of legitimate telephone calls received during an average day–compared to telemarketer and nuisance calls? What would it be: 5%? 10%? 1%?

Recently, a city hall clerk in a certain state, refused a marriage license, because the gentleman formerly resided in New Mexico. The clerk mistakenly thought New Mexico was a foreign country.