Poke the Giants

A few years ago, some wise guy started a coffee shop named “Dumb Starbucks.”  The idea hit the media by storm.  Of course the mega franchise wasn’t amused.  Giants didn’t take kindly to being poked.  The giant’s legal team roared, swatted the irritating little fly and “Dumb Starbucks” faded to oblivion.

Some advice for others wishing to poke other corporate giants.   You’re going to be smacked down by the giant’s legal team anyway–why not be more creative, than calling the object of your disdain, “Stupid” or “Dumb?”  Learn from the “Dumb Starbucks” guy, be more original.  Why couldn’t he have preceded Starbucks, with “Not,” or “Knot,” as in “Not (Knot) Starbucks?”

Throwing down the gauntlet–more Poke the Giant ideas:

Drunken Donuts:  Alcohol infused pastries and sweet treats

Pizza Hat:  Haberdashery and men’s wear, featuring pizza crust formed into edible hats.  I think thin and crispy would work best in summer.  Perhaps deep dish in winter?

Goggle:  Search engine, like Google, the real one.  It would be a PR nightmare.  This one would throw the giant into an earth-shaking, rage–since Google, is frequently misspelled this way.  Of course, the other, obvious search engine bungle, would be, “Bingle,” instead of Microsoft’s Bing.

For the Team

Divisiveness faded

Like dirty snow

On every sandlot

Stadium and alley

Grass has gone green

The equinox vernal

They stand stick-straight

Optimism eternal

Stay within yourself

Try hard as you can

With clever phraseology

That will knock their socks off

Sprains, pains disappear

Loudspeaker blared

“All those with bruised egos

Report to the training room!”

Happy Favorite Furry Prognosticator Day! (Updated)

punx-phil_wide-f5538c38d419577b08da8bb8da820ee533859c04-s900-c85Unlike when this was written, Super Bowl LI won’t be until next Sunday.  February 1st is also my father’s birthday.  Were he still here, he would be 102 years old. 

Retailers are missing a great marketing opportunity by not capitalizing on Groundhog Day.  Outside of Punxatawny, PA, the holiday is a mere curiosity.  There is a holiday between New Years and Valentines Day.


It’s the big letdown, day after the Super Bowl.  No doubt, some fuzzy-headed, thick-tongued, post SB revelers, will see their own shadows this morning.  Those going to work will wish they had the day off.  For non-football fans, the wait is on till spring training and the baseball season.

Before I forget it–Happy Favorite Furry Prognosticator Day!  Maybe you hadn’t thought about it much, but it’s a big deal.  The folks in Punxsutawny, PA think so, anyway.  Whatever the rudely awakened Punxsutawny Phil sees, determines how spring will arrive–according to local legend.

Why should the good folks of Punxsutawny, PA have a lock on the occasion?  Why don’t we make it a national holiday?  And why should groundhogs get all the glory?

There are other furry critters, that I’m sure could prognosticate as well.  Beavers, for example–which are also rodents.  Has anyone explored the prognosticating potential of beavers?  And what about their underestimated distant cousins, the muskrats?

My personal favorite, furry prognosticator is the “Wooly Bear” caterpillar–or, as is commonly known, the “Wooly Worm.”  In the interest of brevity, the official holiday could be shortened to “NFFPD” from “National Favorite Furry Prognosticator Day.”

If you’re interested–and I hope you are.  Please contact your local elected representatives.  Just leave my name out of it.  I shy away from publicity–just like the groundhog.  Perhaps the idea of getting chummy with furry critters is abhorrent?  That’s entirely your choice.

Groundhog day is a bit like bowling.  Some like it–some don’t.  Bowling has its own terminology.  Bowling enthusiasts have their own clothing; colorful bowling shirts–monogrammed, with bold-face names, like “Duke,” “Marge,” “Bud,” or “Princess.”  Strikes mean something entirely different from strikes in baseball.  Good bowlers–I come in peace, and mean no harm.  For baseball fans, like myself–help is on the way.

This Road Leads to Another, Then Another…

Hardest thing about being a peasant?

Everywhere on the planet

it wasn’t a pleasant existence

Hardest thing about being an introvert?

Nobody’s going to know

that you know anything

Good ways to waste time?

There are so many

it’s a waste of time to list them

Join those unhappy with status quo?

I’ve got no other place to go

I don’t care to get devolved