What You Don’t Know

Or, what you may not know. Phrases spoken many times over by TV news anchors.

If I didn’t know something, How would I know what it was, that I wasn’t supposed to know?

Furthermore, why would this unknown knowledge, be a concern?

I like making my own decisions about what’s important and suspect there are many others like me.

Tomorrow is the second, state and local, primary election.  There’s the possibility of more run-off elections before November.  Hoping for the best outcome–and no more mudslinging political ads.

From the Boneyard

H. H. Gregg and Applebees, latest discards, tossed on the growing rubble pile of failed/failing franchises. Regurgitated from murky waters of competition, public tastes, balance sheets drowned in red ink.

Shining new faces atop the trash heap, fade in relentless summer suns, until washed away into the recesses of memory.  Forgotten by most, except for a few nostalgia freaks, such as myself; waiting to spring out on some obscure trivia night.  From dusty shelves, some reporters reaching for ratings, will find fodder for another “whatever happened to?” story to fill a slow news day.

The cemetery of fallen franchises grows ever larger.  Still more are on the critical list–Sears and K-Mart come to mind.  May the fallen rest in peace.  I wish the rest safe passage on their way to franchise Valhalla.

Franchises failed for various reasons.  Why Outback Steak House couldn’t make it locally is still a mystery.  Speaking from my little corner of the world–what was with the proliferation of restaurants offering chicken fingers?  “To franchise gurus, venture capitalists, wherever you may happen to be–help, we’re drowning in chicken finger restaurants down here!”

–image, http://www.jsfburgerchef.homestead.com/–


The Morning After

You would have to be living in a cave to not know the outcome of last night’s Super Bowl.  I take that back–one would have to live in a vacuum to not know.

Stepping in dog doo-doo was not the best way to start my day.  It could have been worse–for example, discovering it in a closed car.

Why is it that cleaning papers for eyeglasses are carefully engineered to work only for a few seconds?  If not gotten right in that miniscule window of opportunity, you’re out of luck.  Obsolescence planned down to mere seconds.

They can not be used twice–even though they’re permeated with the scent of rubbing alcohol.  Reconstituting them with household rubbing alcohol failed miserably.

Those are my concerns on this lovely, sunny, Monday morning.  Have a wonderful day, everyone.

All About the L-A-F

It’s time to shake things up a bit.  Hope everyone has had their morning cup of java.  This is shaping up to be a beautiful Saturday.

Beautiful, if it weren’t for a scheduled safari to a no-frills, membership warehouse store.  Where bargains are to be had–if you’re persistent, and don’t mind buying in bulk.

Such trips are moderately annoying.  Moderately annoying, because opportunities for people watching, are only secondary, to people watching at the airport.

Finding convenient parking spaces, in the warehouse’s giant parking lot, can be frustrating.  Maneuvering giant shopping carts around gawkers, talkers, lingerers, is a thrill ride.  Check out lines can stretch from here to infinity.

Free food samples are a plus.  That is, if it’s something you have a taste for.  Spam and mango chutney, would not be my first choice.  I learned my lesson long ago, when I remarked–“Look Dear, they have twenty kinds of beef jerky.”  She gave me the evil eye, walked away, and said nothing.  Apparently, she didn’t share my enthusiasm for beef jerky.

What is the L-A-F?  L-A-F, is the Least Annoyance Factor.  L-A-F applies to everything in life.  Call it “laugh” if you are so inclined.  I use “laugh” a lot.  Please, use “laugh” as it was meant to be used–because, if you don’t, that would be annoying.


Flossing, not flossing?  What’s the big deal?

A lot of things seemed like good ideas at the time–like bloodletting; burning witches at the stake.

Then again, food particles between the teeth, is high on my yuckiness list.

I used to be well-respected–worked with the other compatible failures, in a cubicle, down at the office.

Now, it’s just me and the misses.  Living in a cottage by the shores of Lake Whoosy-What’s it–where everyday is a party if you want it to be.  I’m getting more cantankerous by the day.

Sometimes I think that woman’s trying to kill me.  Not that I’d blame her.  I haven’t always been easy to get along with.

It hasn’t been all fairy tales and rainbows.  I’m not going to blow sunshine up your butt.  Living in such a state of homeostasis has its drawbacks.

Scuffling with itsy-bitsy spiders.

Waiting for the mail to come every day at three.

Listening to people who don’t want to listen to me.

Can’t Get There From Here

As if, I needed something else to complain about.  A bridge is under construction on a major county road near my home.

The longest way round is supposed to be the shortest way home–unless it’s the way to everything that’s important in your life–the closest gas station, convenience store, family doctor,  dentist, favorite vegetable stand.

However, there’s been a warped sense of satisfaction, aiding the errant; those that have lost their senses of direction; gotten lost on neighborhood side streets.

Two middle-aged gentlemen, out for a day of golfing, stopped me.  “How can we get to Soldier’s Creek Golf Course?  The road is closed.”

“Sorry, you’ll have to go back the way you came.  To go east from here, you have to first go west, back track to the expressway, then to US 98, and east.  No, there’s no short cut.  Unless, your car can submerge under the bay.  Tell me about it, I deal with it everyday.”

Terrific Tuesday

How’s your day going?  It’s a beautiful day here–although hot and humid.  That’s the way it is in the Deep South in mid-summer.

A hot air balloon just passed overhead, brightly colored in green and gold.  Promoting sports tourism.  What exactly was sports tourism?  …Sports for tourists?  …Chartered tours of sporting venues?

It was none of the above.  In this case, it was touting recently built facilities, for regional sports tournaments.  The facilities were beautiful, made for baseball and soccer.  So far, there’s not a bit of shade for enthusiasts.  They would be well-advised to bring umbrellas to avoid heat stroke.

The curmudgeon in me, wondered what made this facility better, than the competing facilities down the highway, in two adjoining communities?  Would local roads handle the extra traffic?

I wondered what neighboring subdivision residents thought about the noise, and lights–lots of lights, to light up the night?  I think city fathers, only had visions of revenue streams dancing through their heads, when this behemoth plopped down in the neighborhood.

Strongest Weak Points/Weakest Strong Points

A new, unwritten part of the Constitution is “the right to be offended by anything and anyone at any given time.”

My latest fear is becoming the neighborhood, “Get off my lawn” guy.

Earlier in the week, at nine in the evening.  Whistles and pops from fireworks came from a nearby backyard.  Fireworks are legal in this area.  However, public nuisance, and noise ordinances are in place.

My dogs hate fireworks.  There was no justified reason for it.  Before I knew it, found myself yelling from the backyard, in my best drill sergeant voice,  at the top of my lungs, “Whoever it is–enough with the bottle rockets, already!

Sewer and water leaks observed along the county road were reported two months ago.  This morning, repairs were observed.  A good thing to see, since everything empties into the bay.  My contribution to Earth Day.

By virtue of being too messy, I should not be allowed in the kitchen.  My main thing is making breakfast.  The two dogs stay at my feet waiting for goodies to drop on the floor.  In my defense, perfect omelettes are my specialty.

Like a lot of guys, I fancy myself an expert on the barbecue grill.  I’m fortunate to live in an area where it’s comfortable to grill the entire year.  Tonight, it’s the humble hamburger; no, not the pre-formed patties.  Only fresh-ground, unfrozen, hand-formed thick patties will do.  Mashing hamburgers down while grilling is a sacriledge that I never do.

These plants are not going to set themselves out.  Crabgrass never rests.  Nice chatting with you.

Sometime After Alice (After Vonnegut & McLuhan)

Sometime after Alice fell down the rabbit hole

And got into the bigger-smaller shape-shifting thing

Small screens changed to big screens

Then back again to, even smaller

McLuhanesque, mediums with messages

Humankind stared–and stared in awe

Instantaneously linked to the universe

Handheld, mirrored screens, let secrets leak

Cars went from big-fendered putt-putts

To bigger, faster, chrome-festooned chariots

Till we came back to earth in the seventies

Station wagons became compacts, sub compacts

Computerized with interactive touch screens

Rural farmhouses, neat cottages

Begat tract homes on suburban fringes

With long commutes to work and back

Which begat big, bigger, and still bigger mansions

To contain more cars, more people, more gadgets

More tension, ulcers, heart attacks, high blood pressure

Bigger wasn’t always better for some folks

Rebellious winds blew in with simpler lifestyles

Mini-farms, backyard chickens, the Tiny House Movement

Glorified homes on wheels with–just the basics, please

And you know what?  I think Kurt Vonnegut was right

Mirrors really were “leaks in the universe”

Excuse me–my mirror is leaking.  I have to take this.




The neighborhood fool
Set off fireworks at 6 AM
Flaunted probation rules
Just because he could

Thoughts dark and dirty
It really wasn’t pretty
Talking heads stretched truth
Made excuses for misspent youth

The same, blame games
Like troubles in big cities
Who had the least–the most?
Sometimes toast, was just toast

Geniuses with new smart phones
Texted gossip behind the wheel
Happy scary Holidays, friend!
Welcome beginning of the end

Checkout lines too long
Christmas shoppers are surly
Madness left from last September
Here’s hoping it ends early

Nobody can drive in snow
Either too fast or too slow
All I want is a peaceful dawn
So shut up! Get off my lawn!