MADMAN ACROSS THE PONDWATER (Beekeeper Chic)

beekeeper hat

I’m walking around like a zombie.  With my mind befuddled, from antihistamines.  my eyes are bloodshot.  I’m grateful to have made it back home ahead of a cloudburst this morning.

There will be no outdoor activities today.  I needed a respite, anyway.  There was a price to be paid for yard work all day yesterday.  Two weeks ago, it was still below freezing.  Pardon me, while I sneeze.

My thoughts are drifting today, like pollen in the breeze.  Long term blog stats–while important, are sometimes a mystery.  In particular, my post with the most views, (906), has had only seven likes in almost three years.

“Beldar Conehead and the Language Police,” has been compelling enough to read, but not enough to like.  I wish there were a dislike button.  Readers could disagree if they wanted–I wouldn’t object.  Like it/don’t like it–I would like to know.

I expressed disdain for political correctness, in this post, as it applied to descriptive speech.  I failed to mention my hatred of history revisionism.  History should stand for what it was–ugly or not.

From scathing commentary, read on the net, about a variety of topics–people can’t be afraid of the PC police.  Character assassination and bad taste seem to flow freely.

Regarding pollen and allergies–would a beekeeper’s hat with netting work when doing yard work?  The heck with looking ridiculous–if it worked; I’d try it.  Perhaps, in the process, spawning a new fashion trend–“Beekeeper Chic?”

–Image http://www.groworganic.com

A VISIT FROM CAPTAIN “O” (And Others Like Him)

capt obvious

I was cleaning winter killed branches and leaves; enjoying a warm, sunny day, in the backyard with my two mutts.  That was, until Capt. Obvious came to call.

Captain Obvious has become even more obnoxious since becoming a celebrity on television commercials.  I didn’t think that was possible.  He leaned up against a tree, watched me clean and rake the backyard.  On the last trip, he could be silent no longer.

“The reason you have so many leaves and dead branches, is because of the trees,” He observed, stroking his chin.  I wanted to bop him over the head in the worst way, but refrained–him being a celebrity and all.

“Thanks for the news flash, Genius,” I muttered under my breath.  “Did you say something sir?” The Captain asked.  “No, it wasn’t anything important,” I replied.

I walked back and forth, carrying armfuls of branches to a pile near the back fence–careful to avoid stepping in random piles of dog droppings.  I hoped Captain Obvious wouldn’t notice–but he did,

“There’s twice the amount of dig excrement in your backyard, because you have two dogs,” Was his burst of brilliance.  Like I would get rid of one of my dogs to cut down on yard mess?  That wasn’t going to happen.  This had to end.

“Well, that’s all for today,” I announced.  “Thanks for stopping by.”  Stay away longer next time–was what I really meant.  I fetched the empty trash bins from the front curb.  Lucky for me, the Captain must have had a boredom attack, and left to annoy someone else. 

POLLEN VORTEX 2015

alergies 3

The winter monster marched madly without abandon; covered everything that dared cross its path.  Just when you thought the worst was over–dirty snow washed down gutters and swollen streams:  There’s coming, another, even more insidious, threat to prey on the unsuspecting!

Put away the coats, scarves, gloves, snow shovels; break out the handkerchiefs, anti-histamines, home remedies; put your allergist on speed dial for this one.  It’s guaranteed, to be the most excitement possible, in the shortest time, for allergy sufferers everywhere.  Because, POLLEN VORTEX 2015, waited all winter for this.

POLLEN VORTEX 2015 stalks new victims–in cahoots with windy days, budding plants, and trees.  It will show no mercy. Will you fall victim?  Don’t dare open your windows!  It will bring you to your knees–have you sneezing, with itchy, red eyes, muddle-headed, with clogged sinuses; miserable–begging for relief, until it goes away.  It’s a real blockbuster–POLLEN VORTEX 2015!  Coming soon!  To a location near you!

I tried to laugh, was on my knees–couldn’t stop coughing.  G. Kravitz, “The Miami Sunshine”

A tried and true formula–can’t miss.  Jean Charlotte, “San Diego Filmtastic”

Non-stop action, a real kick to the backside.  I’m still not over it–will play well in, Peoria and Poughkeepsie, J. D. Manuel, “Peoria Weekly Shopper”

BEFORE EVERYTHING WAS PC

Before everything was PC

The sun rose and set–just like now

The sky was blue, the grass was green

I think we laughed a lot more

Not necessarily at other’s expense

Some of it was dark humor

Dark humor wasn’t literal

It was a way to grope in darkness

To make sense of things

In an unkind world

———————–

As an example, “Poisoning Pigeons in the Park,” by Tom Lehrer–a very talented musician and lyricist from the sixties and beyond.  This wasn’t/isn’t an endorsement of animal cruelty in any sense of the word.  Who hasn’t been disgusted by bird droppings on their windshield?  And–it’s about the onset of spring.  So lighten up because spring is here–or, at least, very near!