Rediscovered From the Past

I was formerly a communications technician for a regional telecommunications company. Ever-changing regulations, tech and corporate speak–revenge came in the form of “new” repair accounting codes. Found these while cleaning out the attic.
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CODES RELATED TO PHONE 1

9991X———————–Phone 1—Lost Tickets

USE THIS CODE WHEN MARS IS IN RETROGRADE. PLANETARY ALIGNMENT IS CONTRAINDICATED. THIS CODE WILL BE FORTHCOMING FROM GUI AND PREVIOUS TO THE ROLLOUT OF CLAPTRAP. ORDER AN EXTRACTOR LOCALLY FROM SUPPLY CHANNELS.

9992X———————–Phone 1—“Stale” Tickets

DIAGNOSTIC TICKETS WHICH HAVE GONE THROUGH PUTREFACTION FROM IMPROPER DIAGNOSTICATION. CLOSE OUT ATTEMPTS RESULT IN A FLASHING “TILT” DISPLAY ON THE HANDHELD. CAUTION MUST BE EXERCISED TO PREVENT INFESTATION OF INFINITESIMAL ELECTRONIC CYBER MITES.

6666X———————–Phone 1—Unnecessary Tickets

USED ONLY WHEN FIELD PERSONNEL EXPERIENCE BEFUDDLEMENT AND CONSTERNATION FROM PREVIOUSLY HELD ASSUMPTIONS, THAT IN THE UNIVERSAL ORDER, PHONE 1 PROBLEMS HAVE A RELEVANCY THAT IS NO LONGER WEIGHTED AND MAY BE SOMEWHAT AMORPHOUS. INQUIRIES SHOULD BE REFERRED TO THE DEPT. OF OBSCURITY AND OBLIQUENESS, HEREAFTER DESIGNATED AS DOODOO.



Turn Back Time

Time: One of the most talked-about subjects in the world.

How many songs have been written about the subject? How many movie scripts?  Too many for me to count. I don’t have that much time.

Did I want my state to go on daylight saving time year round?

Did I want my state to stay on standard time year round?

What was I going to do with the extra hour gained when time fell back in fall?

The same silly, tired, internet questions. Did anyone believe they were gaining/losing hours in spring and fall? There are still 24 hours in a day.

No, I didn’t wish my state to make either of those choices. Why? Because I reside near the borders of three states. What a mish-mosh it would be, were they in different time zones? Because, in that case, time would not be on my side.

Wouldn’t it be nice if there were a time savings bank?  It would be, but there isn’t.  Most of us would be overdrawn, anyway.

I’m a Wheel Watcher…

Still a Wheel Watcher.  Nothing’s changed from when this was written.  Still waiting.

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I’m a Wheel Watcher

I’m a Wheel Watcher

My, my, my

Much as I try

Never win anything

Why, why, why?

If I ever won

The 5K daily giveaway

From shock–I’d die, die, die

 

http://www.newstalkflorida.com/–

From the Clutter Of a Disheveled Mind

I missed the era when euphemisms, metaphors, and, even, mixed metaphors proliferated.  It took creativity to come up with some of them–blind hogs, acorns; horses led to water; the art of catching flies with honey, instead of vinegar.  People talked around things instead of going straight for the jugular.

It was a dreamlike state–watching silent movies with captions.  For some odd reason–I knew when it would rain.  What to do when people ran out of crutches to lean on?  What would bowling on the moon be like?

You would be surprised to learn–as I was.  Prognosis, everyone was waiting for payday–it was only Wednesday.  The diagnosis was hypnosis.  What was that out the window?  It was a fog bow.  And, you didn’t know?  Open another box of “try not to act surprised.”

Happy Daze

A recent click-bait headline, “15 Songs That Brought People Out of Comas.”

Some of these I recognized.  The remaining ones wouldn’t do anything, if I were to be in an unconscious state.

Which led to the bigger issue–there were songs that could possibly induce a comatose state of mind.  I’m at least a generation removed from current pop music.  There have to be 15 current examples.

Toxic waste of the pop music world?  Pop music jive turkeys?  “Surfin’ Bird” by the Trashmen, immediately came to mind.

Getting back on topic–songs from the sixties, seventies, and earlier, guaranteed to not bring me out of a coma.  Not because these weren’t good or popular songs, but rather, because they weren’t upbeat.

Alone Again Naturally

One Is the Loneliest Number

Feelings

In My Room

That’s Life, by Frank Sinatra–because of the lyrics, “…I’m going to crawl in a big hole and die–My My.”

Is That All There Is?

Last Kiss

Mr. Lonely

Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald

The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down

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Ten was enough to make a point.  If these were the best they could do–I’d just as soon remain comatose–thank you.  Songs with barely intelligible lyrics, due to the likelihood the bands were in a semi-comatose state, were not included.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Spam, Spamalicious Spam

It’s a Monday.  Not much is going on–a good time to check my spam folder.

Steel buildings:  There are three entries having to do with construction of steel buildings.  I already have a steel building.  That ship has already sailed.  Please, no spam about ships or sailing.

Free Animal Sex Pictures:  I was a farm kid–farm animals having sex wasn’t that unusual.  This, undoubtedly, went far beyond that.

Replacement Quartz Clock Movements:  Did I even have any quartz clocks?  Therefore, why would I need movements for them?

Recharge BatteriesPolice Flashlights:  I have several flashlights that don’t work, stored away in junk drawers.  Including gimmicky flashlights, sans batteries, that need to be shaken to work.  There’s a bit of genius for you.  A burglar breaks into your house.  There you stand, like an idiot, in the percussion section, shaking your flashlight to the beat.

China Business Sourcing & China Logistics:  Services offered at best prices.  This was not a new one.

Business Marketing:  See here for greatest press, now available anywhere and reasonably priced.

Anti Wrinkle:  Click here for top Vitamin C serum for body now at best prices.

Belk Coupon Codes & Discounts:  I was seeking this information for a while.  After 6 hours of continuous Googling, I got in your website at last.  I wonder what is lack of Google strategy; don’t rank this informative website at top of list?  Generally the top websites full of garbage.

What the previous had to do with Belk department stores was beyond me.  I took it as a backhanded compliment–even though it was purposed to separate me from my money–at least I wasn’t garbage status.

The “available at best prices” tidbits, were listed as, in response to “Pine Cones and Barbed Wire Fences.”  I guess spam bots didn’t need a connection.  Spam folders were good for entertainment if nothing else.

 

 

 

 

 

Follow the Falling Fat Guys

The roofing crew down the street started before 6AM.

Roofing’s hard work any time of the year.  That’s why you only see skinny, wiry guys doing this type of work.

Could you imagine what a hazard it would be, if old, heavy-set guys, like myself, tried roofing in this summer heat?  Fat guys falling off roofs everywhere–into the shrubbery.  I did blister my knees once, cleaning out the gutters.

In It To Win

It’s not an Olympic event–yet.  Maybe it should be?

I could, for sure, win gold in the 100m complaining competition.

My frustration mounts.  This is the second time I’ve written this same post about complaints.

Two post drafts disappeared–one was found on my dashboard, the other is gone, but not forgotten.  If this one disappears, I’ll have to step away from the computer for a minute or two.

The recalcitrant posts have been rounded up.  I’m worn out.  There has to be an easier way to do things.  But, if there isn’t–it’s good training for complaining.

 

All the Sleaze Unfit To Print

I’ve never read the New York Post.  This incident was like the kid from fifth grade with dirty pictures.  The kid with all the answers about birds and bees.  All the boys knew it was wrong–looked anyway.

With nearly nude pictures of Ivanka Trump plastered across the New York Post front page, two days in a row–coverage of the 2016 election hit a new low.  It went far beyond political dirty tricks and mudslinging.

Nothing more than supermarket, tabloid sleaze, that catered to prurient interests.  A big hook to reel in the peep-show, Neanderthal demographic.  Like love and war–no one was to blame, all was fair in the tabloid game.

Why wouldn’t New York Post editors allow nude photo spreads, featuring the other candidates and their spouses?  Possible answers to that question, are reasons why the first pictures, should not have been published.  They’re too old?  Not enough physical appeal?  Wouldn’t sell papers?

Making something from nothing–that’s what artists, musicians, parents, writers, and teachers do.  Nude pictures of a Presidential candidate’s wife, made public, did nothing for positive change.

Since nothing seems to be off-limits for the New York Post, I suggest the following headlines from history.

Martha Washington Was a Hottie–story and pictures on page 7

Secret Letters Revealed: Honest Abe Slept Handcuffed In a Log Cabin

Constitutional Framers Buzzed On Weed, Apple Jack

The Truth Behind Teddy Roosevelt’s Quiet Walks and Big Sticks

Did Margaret Truman Play Piano In a Bordello?