So What’s the Deal?

Have you ever wondered why wayward wanderers were wayward?

What’s to gain from protesting intolerance by being intolerant?

Why does my nose itch when carving a roasted chicken or turkey?

Will there ever be a Fat & Furious franchise–if so, I’m in?

Today was National Middle Child Day, but nobody knew about it.

Why do Windows updates always take out my favorite things?

Are the roads not taken still available?

Why not drink the last drop first-wouldn’t that make it last longer?

Are introverts innies or outies?

That Darned Cat

Same litany repeated, over-and-over, for the last three years.

###############################

You’re fat because you’re lazy

You’re lazy because you’re fat

Was that the best he could do?

What was up with that?

Why did I keep going back

To heart the same thing

Again and again?

You’re too fat!

Get back to the gym!

What was wrong with him?

I don’t know when it happened

I swear that it’s the truth

Doc, this is where I’m at

It’s all because of Dr. Suess

And that darned cat

Anything Fun Is Fine…

Sticky notes

Stuck to the script

Unfamiliar rings

Not in the mood, rings

Among shooting stars

Sonny Bono, Sonny Corleone

Stared, blank stares

Shot for the moon

Captions searched for pictures

Mercy me–what just fell from the family tree?

Pratfalls, windfalls–Wasn’t that pitiful?

Felt woozy, losers couldn’t be choosers

Anything fun, was fine with me

 

A Creative Hour

Welcome to, yet another, in a series of morning, creative endeavors.  Here, with Marty, my imaginary, sometimes annoying, alter-ego.

“Summer is creeping up on us.”

“That’s right, You.”

Why Marty never called me by my real name was still a mystery.

“Along with outdoor activities–backyard barbecues, splashes in the pool, will come annoying bugs and gnats.”

“You better know it.”

“They’ll bug you when you’re swimming in your pool, they’ll bug you when you’re gassing up your car, they’ll bug you–make you look like a fool.”

“Marty, any particular reason you’re channeling Dylan this morning?”

“No, it’s just a Dylanesque kind of day.” 

“Any suggestions for keeping annoying summer insect pests away?”

“I put a baggie full of water over my porch’s screen door.  It’s supposed to keep gnats away.  It broke and somebody got drenched.”

“Any suggestions that work?”

“Not sure how well they work–citronella candles, dryer sheets, spray on, outdoor repellent.  Anyway, it makes people feel better–knowing they’ve done something.”

“So Marty, what you’re saying is, they’re really like placebos.”

“You know that’s right.”

“Coming up–weather gossip on the fives.”

For a Limited Time Only…

Save on gas

Get the last laugh

Don’t go broke

101 funny jokes

Tiny sea monkeys

Animal magnetism

Authoritarianism

Ventriloquism

X-Ray glasses

Chinchilla ranches

Learn latest dances

Emu feather bolsters

Concealed holsters

Rebuild a carburetor

Repair refrigerators

Instant gratification

Social stratification

Achieve your certification

How to meet girls

Make cakes with swirls

Cuteness overloads

Without going overboard

Sleep learning

Learning from lemons

Learn a language

Cash from garbage

Learn from home

Work from home

Build you own home

Pheromones

Metronomes

Become a phenomenon

Don’t be alone

Make your own drone

Mental notebooks

Mental alarms

Mental mastery

Mystery writers

Water swarming

Water warming

Water warnings

Allergy meditations

Herbal medications

Fatalism

Philatelists

The new feudalism?

 

Give Peas a Chance

Two years later–It’s still not too late, to give peas a chance.

##########################

Growing fresh

And green

In backyard gardens

Forget about those

Mushy, dull green

Boiled to oblivion

Peas of the past

It’s not too late

To give peas a chance

Try delicious

Stir-fried

Asian cuisine

Snow peas

With edible pods

Black-eyed peas

Delights from the South

Or, split-pea

Soup with ham

All I am saying

Is give peas a chance

 

Double Bubble/Double Trouble

Continuing on with posts about Mother’s Day week.  This time about bubblegum.  I still remember how sore my jaw muscles got from chewing big wads of bubblegum.

#########################

Bubblegum was a childhood delight.  It had to be Fleer’s “Dubble Bubble” bubblegum.  Other brands were almost as good–“Bazooka” and gum with baseball cards.  Baseball card gum was thin and flat–somewhat brittle.

Inside the wrapper was a folded up cartoon strip, “Fleer’s Funnies,” featuring a chubby young chap “Pud” and friends.  There’s a moniker you won’t hear in the twenty-first century.  The stories were lame–meant to sell more bubblegum.  A quarter or fifty cents bought a sack full of candy in those days–which was a typical weekly allowance.

Experts could easily blow bubblers as big as their heads.  This was imitated by little brothers and sisters, who eventually got gum all over their faces.  Double Bubble tasted so good, that one piece wasn’t enough.  About four pieces made a fist-sized wad–enough to make jaw muscles ache.

Adults hated bubblegum–especially parents and teachers.  Gum smacking was almost as irritating as fingernails on a chalkboard.  Gum got disposed of under desks and chairs.  Gum got stepped on, ended up on the bottoms of dress shoes on the way to church or school.

“Don’t swallow that gum.  Where is it?”  Asked moms and dads.  “It’s too late–I already swallowed it,” Was the usual reply.  “Don’t do that.  You’ll clog up your insides and I’ll have to take you to the doctor,”  Mom warned.  I don’t know if it ever happened to anybody.

“Take your bubblegum out of your mouth before going to bed,”  Mom advised.  The next morning, gobs of gum were stuck everywhere in my hair.  Mom got the dullest pair of scissors she could find;  cut and pulled the gum globs out.

The worst part was next day at school.  “What happened to your hair?  Eww–do you have ringworm?  Who cut your hair?  …The Three Blind Mice?”  Hair grew back fast–it was off to new adventures.