Double Placebo, Blindfold Test

My hot and cold running, IP connection can be frustrating. Less frustrating because I had a good breakfast.

A few years ago, we hailed “King Kale” as the king of all the leafy green vegetables. Never thought I’d see beets, honored in the same way. Dried beet chips–who’d a thunk it?

I eat each item separately on my plate. There’s no dabbling, sampling a little of this-or-that.  Brussel sprouts and cooked cabbage aren’t among my favorites.  However, spiced up properly, I will try them.

I once knew a fellow that couldn’t stand for anyone to touch his food–other than himself. If someone sampled his French fries, the remaining ones were tossed in the trash. Do you know someone with unusual dietary habits?

In dyslexic fervor, I hung up all of my freshly-laundered trousers facing opposite to the ones already hung. My laziness outweighed any OCD tendencies.

Whatever the situation, it may help to try the Double Placebo, Blindfold Test.  Or was it the Double Blind, Placebo Test?


Other Side Of Fear

Monsters with huge featherless wings

Left Henry weak in the knees

He fell away from the others–worthless

One-hundred free tickets for $1.00 each

Then, they really weren’t free–were they?

Bare light bulbs cast harsh shadows

Shadows rocked, back-and-forth

Kept tempo with attic rocking chairs

Henry sat and watched hypnotically

Waited for the curtain to fall

When your chance to leave came

You didn’t take it–he told himself

There would be a face revealed

He couldn’t bear to see it


From the Abyss

“Water!  Captain, I need water!”

“Higgins, get this man some water.”

“There’s your water.  Now, get back to rowing.  You’d be wise to do what you’re told and not complain about it.”

“Aye, Captain.”

He’d learn a lesson right quick, if I tossed him down in the hold, the Captain thought. 

The ship’s rigging strained and creaked.  Sea water made the decks slippery.

“Higgins, see what the prisoners are hollerin’ about.  Be quick about it–unless you’re desiring to be down there with ’em.”

It had been a tough pathway from prisoner to deckhand.

Scattered about the ocean floor were the bones of those that dared break the chains of command.


INN: Minute Newsbit (An Update)

Most of my writing efforts happen early, since I’m a morning person.  A trip to the dentist, followed up by a trip to the DMV, and my morning was shot.

Channel 10 News had a film crew outside the DMV–which is also a branch courtroom facility.  They didn’t catch my best side; as a matter of fact–if they caught me at all, it was from the backside.  This reminded me of a post from two years ago.

From archives–an update.  Mr. Charles Sandwyche, subject of my  2015 DMV story, complained about people mispronouncing his last name.  “It is pronounced ‘Sandw-i-k-e’ with a long ‘I’ sound, followed with a hard ‘ch’–not ‘sandwich’ as in ‘cheese sandwich’.  Think of it like “Sandwhite” then change the ‘T’ to a ‘K.’  Mr. Sandwyche once considered changing his last name to something simpler.


“FU-EE-2–UU,” Mr. Charles Sandwyche said to the Lynnwood, HJ DMV, when his request for a specific vanity plate inscription was denied.  “I was totally shocked–because it wasn’t obscene or anything.  It’s a violation of free speech–if you ask mej.  They offered me “KA-BLU-EE,” “NUTZ-2-YW,” “EE-I-I-OU,” and “QAA-POWE” as alternatives.  Those weren’t anywhere near what I wanted.  So, I guess I’ll mope along with random letters and numbers.

“We try to give registrants what they want when we can,” Said Robin Batson, Secretary of NJ Department of Vehicle Registrations.  “We thought ‘FU-EE-2-UU’ could potentially incite someone to violence.  Especially with the amount of road rage incidents these days.”

“Don’t get me wrong–I’m not putting any of that on Mr. Sandwyche.  I’m sorry Mr. Sandwyche was disappointed.  There were many viable and creative alternatives available.  One of my favorites is ‘DT-DU-DOG-DU’–it’s humorous, and a public service message at the same time.  So far, there have been no takers.  Maybe Mr. Sandwyche isn’t a dog person?”


1-24-17, Lantz Walters, “Minute Newsbit” Imaginary News Network–




Modern Suburban Fable #5

Bent over grannies with bloomers

Woodsmen that chopped

Wood, with the wind

Concrete frogs, lizards with bright painted spots

Colored rocks, fake boat docks

Red birds, blue birds, and one strange

Bird–that looked a lot like a buzzard

Front lawn props that outdid Disney’s Small World

It was rumored there were still more to come

Pieces of the past–flags, patriotic streamers

An old man’s memories of good times

That should have lasted longer

Begged to be understood



Sometime After Alice (After Vonnegut & McLuhan)

Sometime after Alice fell down the rabbit hole

And got into the bigger-smaller shape-shifting thing

Small screens changed to big screens

Then back again to, even smaller

McLuhanesque, mediums with messages

Humankind stared–and stared in awe

Instantaneously linked to the universe

Handheld, mirrored screens, let secrets leak

Cars went from big-fendered putt-putts

To bigger, faster, chrome-festooned chariots

Till we came back to earth in the seventies

Station wagons became compacts, sub compacts

Computerized with interactive touch screens

Rural farmhouses, neat cottages

Begat tract homes on suburban fringes

With long commutes to work and back

Which begat big, bigger, and still bigger mansions

To contain more cars, more people, more gadgets

More tension, ulcers, heart attacks, high blood pressure

Bigger wasn’t always better for some folks

Rebellious winds blew in with simpler lifestyles

Mini-farms, backyard chickens, the Tiny House Movement

Glorified homes on wheels with–just the basics, please

And you know what?  I think Kurt Vonnegut was right

Mirrors really were “leaks in the universe”

Excuse me–my mirror is leaking.  I have to take this.