What were influencers? A word birthed by social media, and nurtured by social media followers.

I only know about You Tube, Facebook, and Twitter. That’s adequate for me. I don’t choose to be influenced by those I don’t know.

How-to You Tube videos are a personal favorite. One particular gentleman collects and refurbishes old Greyhound buses. He’s got his own “handle” and theme song. He travels across the country in his vintage 1947 Greyhound to assist others with their antique bus needs.

I admire his dedication and repair skills. That doesn’t mean acquisition of a used Greyhound is in my future. Even though the sound of a resuscitated Detroit Diesel makes my pulse beat faster. I once worked for a trucking company.

There would be no influencers, if people were unwilling to be influenced. As a natural-born skeptic, count me among that group.

The Melody Of Life

The Wichita alignment
Was practically useless
Blinded by headlights
The entire mushroom army
Couldn’t fix this traffic mess
Time of day, weather delays
Not what you wanted to hear–you say
Not kitten on the keys cute
The psychopathy of the situation
Post-Holiday, Mardi Gras
Valentines day, Winter Olympics blues

Resolution Revolution

A brand new year
Endless 2017 reviews
Are relegated to
Dusty files of history
Normal people
According to the media
Were supposed to make
New Years resolutions
Lose weight the sure-fire way
Can’t-fail investments
Better health care insurance
Health club memberships
Good ideas–usually forgotten by March


Another One-Size-Fits-All Rant

Too bad Chip and Joanna Gaines decided to fold up their tent and discontinue the popular “Fixer Upper” TV show.

I liked their show–even though I know a lot of it was staged drama. Just hammering nails and ripping out old boards would not have been interesting.

What I’m wondering about is the lasting effect after they’re gone? They inspired so many people to install barn door track and ship lap inside their homes.

Not that I have anything thing against either of these things. Everything looks good in its place. Imitation may be the sincerest form of flattery, but many imitators get carried away to the point of mockery.

Why cover an expensive full-sized oil painting with sliding cross buck barn doors when the artist intended for it to be seen? Ship lap is fine on an accent wall, but not on every wall, in every room. I still think barn door, sliding  tracks are best for real barn doors–as they were intended. These fads will fade away like the others before, and the ones to come.

Although, I’m somewhat shocked at the renewed popularity of wallpaper.  Wasn’t that trend over after the shockingly garish flocked, and foil wallpapers of the seventies?  However, I am and have always been a fan of pocket doors.


Double Placebo, Blindfold Test

My hot and cold running, IP connection can be frustrating. Less frustrating because I had a good breakfast.

A few years ago, we hailed “King Kale” as the king of all the leafy green vegetables. Never thought I’d see beets, honored in the same way. Dried beet chips–who’d a thunk it?

I eat each item separately on my plate. There’s no dabbling, sampling a little of this-or-that.  Brussel sprouts and cooked cabbage aren’t among my favorites.  However, spiced up properly, I will try them.

I once knew a fellow that couldn’t stand for anyone to touch his food–other than himself. If someone sampled his French fries, the remaining ones were tossed in the trash. Do you know someone with unusual dietary habits?

In dyslexic fervor, I hung up all of my freshly-laundered trousers facing opposite to the ones already hung. My laziness outweighed any OCD tendencies.

Whatever the situation, it may help to try the Double Placebo, Blindfold Test.  Or was it the Double Blind, Placebo Test?

Other Side Of Fear

Monsters with huge featherless wings

Left Henry weak in the knees

He fell away from the others–worthless

One-hundred free tickets for $1.00 each

Then, they really weren’t free–were they?

Bare light bulbs cast harsh shadows

Shadows rocked, back-and-forth

Kept tempo with attic rocking chairs

Henry sat and watched hypnotically

Waited for the curtain to fall

When your chance to leave came

You didn’t take it–he told himself

There would be a face revealed

He couldn’t bear to see it


From the Abyss

“Water!  Captain, I need water!”

“Higgins, get this man some water.”

“There’s your water.  Now, get back to rowing.  You’d be wise to do what you’re told and not complain about it.”

“Aye, Captain.”

He’d learn a lesson right quick, if I tossed him down in the hold, the Captain thought. 

The ship’s rigging strained and creaked.  Sea water made the decks slippery.

“Higgins, see what the prisoners are hollerin’ about.  Be quick about it–unless you’re desiring to be down there with ’em.”

It had been a tough pathway from prisoner to deckhand.

Scattered about the ocean floor were the bones of those that dared break the chains of command.


INN: Minute Newsbit (An Update)

Most of my writing efforts happen early, since I’m a morning person.  A trip to the dentist, followed up by a trip to the DMV, and my morning was shot.

Channel 10 News had a film crew outside the DMV–which is also a branch courtroom facility.  They didn’t catch my best side; as a matter of fact–if they caught me at all, it was from the backside.  This reminded me of a post from two years ago.

From archives–an update.  Mr. Charles Sandwyche, subject of my  2015 DMV story, complained about people mispronouncing his last name.  “It is pronounced ‘Sandw-i-k-e’ with a long ‘I’ sound, followed with a hard ‘ch’–not ‘sandwich’ as in ‘cheese sandwich’.  Think of it like “Sandwhite” then change the ‘T’ to a ‘K.’  Mr. Sandwyche once considered changing his last name to something simpler.


“FU-EE-2–UU,” Mr. Charles Sandwyche said to the Lynnwood, HJ DMV, when his request for a specific vanity plate inscription was denied.  “I was totally shocked–because it wasn’t obscene or anything.  It’s a violation of free speech–if you ask mej.  They offered me “KA-BLU-EE,” “NUTZ-2-YW,” “EE-I-I-OU,” and “QAA-POWE” as alternatives.  Those weren’t anywhere near what I wanted.  So, I guess I’ll mope along with random letters and numbers.

“We try to give registrants what they want when we can,” Said Robin Batson, Secretary of NJ Department of Vehicle Registrations.  “We thought ‘FU-EE-2-UU’ could potentially incite someone to violence.  Especially with the amount of road rage incidents these days.”

“Don’t get me wrong–I’m not putting any of that on Mr. Sandwyche.  I’m sorry Mr. Sandwyche was disappointed.  There were many viable and creative alternatives available.  One of my favorites is ‘DT-DU-DOG-DU’–it’s humorous, and a public service message at the same time.  So far, there have been no takers.  Maybe Mr. Sandwyche isn’t a dog person?”


1-24-17, Lantz Walters, “Minute Newsbit” Imaginary News Network–




Modern Suburban Fable #5

Bent over grannies with bloomers

Woodsmen that chopped

Wood, with the wind

Concrete frogs, lizards with bright painted spots

Colored rocks, fake boat docks

Red birds, blue birds, and one strange

Bird–that looked a lot like a buzzard

Front lawn props that outdid Disney’s Small World

It was rumored there were still more to come

Pieces of the past–flags, patriotic streamers

An old man’s memories of good times

That should have lasted longer

Begged to be understood