Not Exactly New News

It’s not polite to speak ill of the departed. Natalie Wood’s death was controversial at that time.

The issue of whether or not it was accidental is not, new news.

Why it is being brought up now has me baffled.

On another subject, the three major television networks, failing to find any new programming ideas, are rebooting old series.

Rosanne, will come back on ABC. CBS brought back Hawaii 5-O, MacGyver; will bring back Cagney and Lacey, and Magnum PI.

Will they be successful?  Hawaii 5-O and MacGyver seem to be doing well.  I miss the scowling characterization portrayed by Jack Lord in the original series.

What other expended TV series could be reincarnated?  …Leave It To Beaver, Bewitched, Barnaby Jones, Moonlighting?

I happened to like Moonlighting–the theme song was great, the tension between Bruce Willis and Cybil Shepard made the show.  I didn’t care for the way Seinfeld ended, either.

 

You’re Not Going to Believe This–Art & Annie’s Amazing Encounter

“Mr. Reynolds, is that you?”

An aging Burt Reynolds hunched over a glass of bourbon at a bar somewhere in South Florida.

“Obviously it is–who wants to know?”

“I’m Art Williams, this is my wife Annie.”

“She didn’t believe it was you,” Art smirked.

“See honey, it is Burt Reynolds.  I was right.”

“You were right, Mr. Williams.  Sorry Annie.  Do I win a prize or something?”

Burt reluctantly shook their hands.  The bartender watched, amazed.  Some people had a lot of nerve.

“It’s a real pleasure to meet you, Sir.  Same here,” Annie echoed.

“Could we buy you a drink or something?”

“No, that’s OK.  Burt answered.  My doctors tell me I’m not supposed to drink.  Sometimes a drink just feels right.”

“What are you two up to?  Are you from one of those tabloids?”

“No we’re from Ohio, just cruising through on the way to Miami.  A friend told us you were from the West Palm area.”

“Is he a lawyer?  Do I owe him money?  I wasn’t expecting company.”

“No, Fred’s a mechanic.  Sorry to bother you, Mr. Reynolds,” Annie apologized.

“For what it’s worth, I loved your role in ‘Evening Shade.'”

“Thanks Annie.   You must be among the two-dozen people that still remember the series.  There were some good people on that show.”

“I’m originally from Poplar Bluff.  One of the characters was named after the owner of a local furniture store,” Annie continued.

“Was the show anything like the real Poplar Bluff?  Burt asked.

“In several ways–it was,” Annie answered.  “Poplar Bluff has a lot of old Victorian homes.  High school football was a big deal.”

“The mentally challenged character, that rode around in the red wagon, reminded me of someone I knew.”

“Mitch delivered papers and ran errands for everybody–except he used a bicycle.  Everybody looked out for him.”

“Honey, we better run and leave Mr. Reynolds alone, Annie said.  It’s been nice meeting you, Sir,” Art said.

Burt hastily scribbled an autograph on a cocktail napkin, waved goodbye to the happy Midwesterners.

“Good luck and be safe–your friend, Burt Reynolds,” It said and would be treasured forever.

 

ARNOLD ZIFFEL–MORE THAN BACON?

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Fans of Arnold Ziffel, the famed Green Acres pig, are taking legal action, to trademark the name “Arnold,” Arnold the Pig,” and “Arnold Ziffel.”  Frances Gingham, president of the FAZ Fan Club, and Arnold Ziffel Enterprises, had this to say, “We’re doing this to honor the original Arnold and her descendants.  He was really a she–you know.”

“As true Green Acres fans would tell you–Arnold made the show.  What other show in television history featured such a charismatic, talented pig?  The only one that even came close, was Wilbur from “Charlotte’s Web.”  Wilbur may have been “some pig,” but he didn’t have a prime time sitcom.”

“Future plans include filing suit against Arnold, MO–and any other ‘Arnolds,’ as we see fit, for trademark infringement.  No other Chester White piglets–except those from the original bloodlines, should ever be named Arnold.  It’s the least we can do for Arnold,” Mrs, Gingham said. “Until they cease and desist–we will do what’s necessary to achieve our ends.”

Arnold, MO mayor, Greg Fillmore, said in response,  “Yes, I heard about it.  I think it’s ridiculous.  The city of Arnold existed long before there was an Arnold the Pig.  Arnold the Pig may have brought home the bacon for CBS back in the sixties; that doesn’t mean we have to kowtow to such unreasonable demands.”

“Tell Ms. Gingham and her group, that we’re nice people, here in Arnold, MO–but, we don’t like to be messed with!  Why was Arnold Ziffel, any more significant, than Mr. Ed, the talking horse?  Wile-E-Coyote and the Roadrunner were funnier. They had me laughing from the jump.”

“As a conciliatory gesture, we’re not opposed to honoring the legendary porcine entertainer.  Instead of getting involved in a legal wrangle–maybe we should capitalize on our cities’ name?  We could bring everything here.  The Midwest has plenty of hog farms.  An Arnold the Pig statue in the center of town would bring in tourists.”

“A Green Acres Museum, featuring Arnold Ziffel, as the centerpiece would be nice–too.  And while we’re at it–why not have a Hooterville theme park, with the Shady Rest Hotel. Sam Drucker’s store, a railroad, and steam locomotive?  We could also have an Arnold the Pig Day during Autumn Apple Festival.”

Mayor Fillmore was passionate–as was, FAZ President Gingham.  I suppose all animal actors deserve their due. Entertainers bring out the best and worst in people.  We’ll have to wait and see what happens with Arnold.

There once happened to be, an Addams Family, arachnid actor–Wednesday Addam’s, creepy favorite spider, named Homer. That was a little too much for me.  Professional performing pigs aren’t that unusual.  Carnivals, circuses, county fairs, have an extensive performing animal history.  And there was, “Flipper,” a gregarious, sitcom dolphin.  However, I may pitch the theme park idea–when I’m back in Hollywood.

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Dana Chalupa, “Entertainment Newsbit,” Imaginary News Network, Hollywood©