New-Old Sayings

Old sayings, adages, there were bunches of them–and many variations. Some carried the intended meaning, some were head-scratchers.  How about some new, old sayings?

Between a rock and a hard place. Misinterpreted as, between a rock and a hot plate.  The alternative would be much more painful.

People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. What about, people in glass houses, should always be discretely and appropriately attired?

Even a blind hog finds the acorn sometimes. The blind animals varied, blind dogs, squirrels–all searched for acorns.

If you grumble, you’ll often stumble.  I made that one up for constant complainers.

A rolling stone gathers no moss.  As far as I know, no one ever said, “A Rolling Stone gathered no moths.” It would also be true.  This was probably inspiration for the famous rock band with Mick Jagger?  What about Bob Dylan’s “Like a Rolling Stone?”

Empty barrels rattled the loudest.  This could be modernized to, “Those with nothing to back arguments, talked the loudest.”

If it thundered in December, it would snow in May.  This one from my upbringing in the upper Midwest.

He who laughed first, laughed last.  On this first day of Spring, Mother Nature had the last laugh.

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Answers For Which There Are No Questions

That’s so not you.  “Not You (s)” popular phrase used in successful realtor. com commercial.  “Not You (s)” interchangeable with “loser (s).”

Right turns from the left hand lanes and vice versa.

Retirement doesn’t mean nothing to do.

All things in moderation, doesn’t mean, no fun.

Don’t have a target on my back for survey takers, pollsters, telemarketers.

Blog posts begin with first key strokes, then first words.

Correspondence from retirement accounts, health care providers, government documents required law degrees to decipher.

Robo-calls from HMO’s assumed the worst about client’s health needs. Fortunately, I am still able to feed and dress myself–knock wood.

Being awakened by my dog every two hours last night for no apparent reason.

Another Saturday Night

Saturday Night’s All Right For Fighting. Another Saturday night and I ain’t got nobody. There are a lot more songs about Saturday.

Except it’s still Friday, at this writing. No use lamenting Saturday in advance.

I have to save my strength for tomorrow’s monthly trip to the warehouse discount store. If nothing else, it affords ample opportunities for people watching and group dynamics.

There may indeed be some sad Saturday night sentimentality, after a few dozen trips up and down the aisles, then waiting in long checkout lines.

What’s Your Hurry?

That’s the question
All older people asked
And if they didn’t ask
They were thinking it
Good days, bad days
Work got done
Or, not done
Things went the right way
Things went astray
Going faster and faster
Didn’t always make things better

*****************

Where’s the fire
what’s the hurry about?
You’ve got so much to do
And only so many
Hours in a day…
But you know when the truth is told
That you can get what you want
Or, you can just get old…

Billy Joel’s, Vienna Waits For You–

Simon Says (Grown-up Version)

Hard to believe it wasn’t you
Alibi so shaky, needed a seismograph
Up to your arms in elbow macaroni
In the midst of a drought
Only words can do that
Another well-known celebrity threatened to go silent
That was after he or she went silent last time
Read between the lions
Ghost or hologram? You decide
Stay tuned for the unsightly evening news
Newer, better, with more feature I didn’t know how to use
Two steps forward, three steps back
Hit the delete button one time too many
Prediction for 2018: More things will happen

Another One-Size-Fits-All Rant

Too bad Chip and Joanna Gaines decided to fold up their tent and discontinue the popular “Fixer Upper” TV show.

I liked their show–even though I know a lot of it was staged drama. Just hammering nails and ripping out old boards would not have been interesting.

What I’m wondering about is the lasting effect after they’re gone? They inspired so many people to install barn door track and ship lap inside their homes.

Not that I have anything thing against either of these things. Everything looks good in its place. Imitation may be the sincerest form of flattery, but many imitators get carried away to the point of mockery.

Why cover an expensive full-sized oil painting with sliding cross buck barn doors when the artist intended for it to be seen? Ship lap is fine on an accent wall, but not on every wall, in every room. I still think barn door, sliding  tracks are best for real barn doors–as they were intended. These fads will fade away like the others before, and the ones to come.

Although, I’m somewhat shocked at the renewed popularity of wallpaper.  Wasn’t that trend over after the shockingly garish flocked, and foil wallpapers of the seventies?  However, I am and have always been a fan of pocket doors.

 

Not Merely Idle Speculation

The only thing that changed more than the weather, was the way people changed their minds

Fair-weather walkers, joggers, vowed not to return till next spring.

Wild kingdom: A baby raccoon appeared outside the front window of the YMCA one morning. He ran back-and-forth in the shrubbery, desperate to escape from staff members.

Do you recall being distracted by birds, animals outside public school classroom windows? I confess, to being easily distracted.

My two dogs and myself nearly stepped on a large water moccasin, early one morning. It was still dark and the temperature was in the low 40’s.

It seemed to me, growing up in a rural farming community, that form always took a back seat to function when it came to home repairs–especially external ones.

Have you experienced the sensation while waiting for a train, at night, that your car was moving forward, or sideways? You’re temporarily hypnotized–foot firmly planted on the brake pedal. Or when driving late at night, the sensation, that the road disappeared over the next hill?

Scientific terminology for these sensations escapes me at the moment. I attributed these things to driving while fatigued.