So What’s the Deal?

Have you ever wondered why wayward wanderers were wayward?

What’s to gain from protesting intolerance by being intolerant?

Why does my nose itch when carving a roasted chicken or turkey?

Will there ever be a Fat & Furious franchise–if so, I’m in?

Today was National Middle Child Day, but nobody knew about it.

Why do Windows updates always take out my favorite things?

Are the roads not taken still available?

Why not drink the last drop first-wouldn’t that make it last longer?

Are introverts innies or outies?

The Qualm Before the Storm

Throughout the ages, things were named

Things did what things were intended to do

Sometimes same things had different names

Some people had couches in their living rooms

Others insisted they were davenports

Diehards argued for davinettes

They’d be davinettes, till the day they died

No matter–they were still the same things

Served the same purposes

Some didn’t like current names for things

They preferred different, new “thing” names

New names–for the same old things

Other than being confusing for those familiar

With the old names, things still did the same things

In spite of changes in their nomenclature

 

 

 

For a Limited Time Only…

Save on gas

Get the last laugh

Don’t go broke

101 funny jokes

Tiny sea monkeys

Animal magnetism

Authoritarianism

Ventriloquism

X-Ray glasses

Chinchilla ranches

Learn latest dances

Emu feather bolsters

Concealed holsters

Rebuild a carburetor

Repair refrigerators

Instant gratification

Social stratification

Achieve your certification

How to meet girls

Make cakes with swirls

Cuteness overloads

Without going overboard

Sleep learning

Learning from lemons

Learn a language

Cash from garbage

Learn from home

Work from home

Build you own home

Pheromones

Metronomes

Become a phenomenon

Don’t be alone

Make your own drone

Mental notebooks

Mental alarms

Mental mastery

Mystery writers

Water swarming

Water warming

Water warnings

Allergy meditations

Herbal medications

Fatalism

Philatelists

The new feudalism?

 

What a Wacky Week

In Waynesboro, VA, a renegade cat shaver is on the loose.  Residents are perturbed, because pet cats have been captured, and returned with their bellies shaven.

It’s not only animal cruelty–it’s just plain weird.  Saving cats from cat shavers should not be on cat owner’s to-do lists.

Nordstrom’s marketed fashion jeans replete with fake mud stains for 425 per pair.  Do-it yourself jean muddying is free.  It’s done with pure mud from your own backyard–not with chemicals.

My current state of residence was featured on “The Daily Show” this week–complete with the usual stereotypes.  Rednecks, buffoonery, lots of politics.  Our governor was recently impeached after a year of denial.

About baiting game with jerky–funny skit, but not true.  We’ve got our share of weirdos, but doesn’t every other state?  My state of birth, currently has two ex-governors in lock-up.  What about Anthony Weiner?  Maybe your state’s governor just hasn’t been caught up with yet?

 

First Class, Lightning Fast, Hauling Trash

Advertising slogans can be humorous, cheesy, sleazy, also slightly askew.  The title words were painted on a large rollaway steel construction dumpster.  What was it about refuse collection that was first class?  Did their truck drivers wear suits and ties?  I’m addressing the guilty parties.  What were they thinking?

  • Your trash, our cash
  • It’s alimentary, my dear Watson
  • Goals not well defined? We’ll help you focus–City Optometrists
  • What goes in must come out
  • Your sit-down not outstanding?
  • We meet by accident
  • Not better–cheaper wood chippers
  • No rabbits in our hats, no bees in our bonnets–Main Street Haberdashery
  • Not thrilled by the drill?  Better Dentistry Clinic
  • What a pane–Quality Glass Repair
  • UFO’s in your kitchen?  Excelsior Cooking School
  • Lost that loving feeling?  Baymont Divorce Lawyers
  • We love, love handles–Sue’s Tailoring
  • Messy Marvin’s Housecleaning Service
  • No barks, no bites, no errors–Gayle’s Obedience School
  • Driver’s license points?  That’s the point?  Point A–Point B Driving School

Just Goes to Show You

My watch band broke.  A tiny, little pin fell out. I’ve been looking at my bare wrist ever since.  Went to two jewelry stores to have it repaired.  Was referred to a third jeweler, some distance away that could possibly fix it.  I now have a new watch.

It’s the annual spring power, house wash.  Driveway, sidewalks, windows, walls freed from winter grime and mold.

The dogs are barking and growling at the intruder in their domain.  Now, it’s their nap time.

On the beach, blue dragons washed ashore.  What were blue dragons?  Blue dragons were really sea slugs.  “Blue Dragons” appealed to me more than did sea slugs.  Blue dragons diverted attentions away from recent shark sightings.

A rather large alligator was spotted in the busiest part of downtown.  It was captured by fire and rescue.  When did that become their job?  The gator was relocated and released.

It’s nearly summer here.  That’s when the creepy crawly creatures come out.  Another negative airline story, just today.  American Airlines took the heat off United Airlines.  Just goes to show you–it’s always something.

 

A Modicum of Diversion…

Pineapple on pizza–yes or no?  Why was she yelling at me?  It wasn’t about pineapple or pizza.  Leather sofas were on sale at the local, discount, close-out store.  Not the first place to shop for furniture in my estimation.

“Why don’t we go and just look around?”  That meant we weren’t going to leave without buying something–better to just go along.  My hopes were, that nothing would happen to ruin this beautiful, sunny, winter day.

The sofas were better than expected–stock overruns from a popular major manufacturer.  Who was I to have doubted?  Even though, I was in for some dreaded furniture rearranging.  If everything stayed the way it was, from now till eternity, it would have been just fine with me.

At the service desk, two men waited.  The gray-haired older gentleman seemed calm.  The younger man, who may have been the son, complained about noise emanating from the other side of the store.  There, a young child was in the midst of throwing a temper tantrum.

“Why hadn’t she taken the young boy outside?”  Said the young man to his father.  “Nobody wanted to hear that kid’s ear-splitting screeches.”  The father mumbled something about permissive parenting being the downfall of civilization.

Waiting for the store clerk’s return, seemed to take forever.  We were second in line, behind the disgruntled young man, and his father.  The clerk returned briefly from checking inventories.  The young man complained about the noisy child to the clerk; the clerk refused to take sides, went back to work.

That was when the stalking began.  “I’m going to check on why this bratty kid won’t stop crying,” Announced the young man.  My wife and I looked at each other.  What business was it of his?  And what could he do about it–without causing a major incident?

The young man walked away hunched over, like he was trying to make himself smaller, to avoid being seen.  Jacket collar pulled up to his chin.  It was comical–in a Groucho Marx sort of way.  He carefully duck-walked the rows one-by-one, until the offenders were spotted.

What had he done–if anything?  The store was, once again peaceful.  The little boy stopped crying.  Had I underestimated the young man’s skills as a “Child Whisperer?”  Our sofa was in stock and would be delivered in a couple of days.

Then, temper tantrum, version 2.0, began, like a loud clap of thunder.  The young man and his father, were aghast.  “I’m going to show them a thing or two,” The son, announced.

In his best Groucho Marx, killer commando mode, the stalking resumed.  My wife and I made an exit at that point–wondered how things turned out.  Nothing made the police blotters.  It was one of the strangest public scenes we’d witnessed in our lifetimes.