Fans of Arnold Ziffel, the famed Green Acres pig, are taking legal action, to trademark the name “Arnold,” Arnold the Pig,” and “Arnold Ziffel.” Frances Gingham, president of the FAZ Fan Club, and Arnold Ziffel Enterprises, had this to say, “We’re doing this to honor the original Arnold and her descendants. He was really a she–you know.”
“As true Green Acres fans would tell you–Arnold made the show. What other show in television history featured such a charismatic, talented pig? The only one that even came close, was Wilbur from “Charlotte’s Web.” Wilbur may have been “some pig,” but he didn’t have a prime time sitcom.”
“Future plans include filing suit against Arnold, MO–and any other ‘Arnolds,’ as we see fit, for trademark infringement. No other Chester White piglets–except those from the original bloodlines, should ever be named Arnold. It’s the least we can do for Arnold,” Mrs, Gingham said. “Until they cease and desist–we will do what’s necessary to achieve our ends.”
Arnold, MO mayor, Greg Fillmore, said in response, “Yes, I heard about it. I think it’s ridiculous. The city of Arnold existed long before there was an Arnold the Pig. Arnold the Pig may have brought home the bacon for CBS back in the sixties; that doesn’t mean we have to kowtow to such unreasonable demands.”
“Tell Ms. Gingham and her group, that we’re nice people, here in Arnold, MO–but, we don’t like to be messed with! Why was Arnold Ziffel, any more significant, than Mr. Ed, the talking horse? Wile-E-Coyote and the Roadrunner were funnier. They had me laughing from the jump.”
“As a conciliatory gesture, we’re not opposed to honoring the legendary porcine entertainer. Instead of getting involved in a legal wrangle–maybe we should capitalize on our cities’ name? We could bring everything here. The Midwest has plenty of hog farms. An Arnold the Pig statue in the center of town would bring in tourists.”
“A Green Acres Museum, featuring Arnold Ziffel, as the centerpiece would be nice–too. And while we’re at it–why not have a Hooterville theme park, with the Shady Rest Hotel. Sam Drucker’s store, a railroad, and steam locomotive? We could also have an Arnold the Pig Day during Autumn Apple Festival.”
Mayor Fillmore was passionate–as was, FAZ President Gingham. I suppose all animal actors deserve their due. Entertainers bring out the best and worst in people. We’ll have to wait and see what happens with Arnold.
There once happened to be, an Addams Family, arachnid actor–Wednesday Addam’s, creepy favorite spider, named Homer. That was a little too much for me. Professional performing pigs aren’t that unusual. Carnivals, circuses, county fairs, have an extensive performing animal history. And there was, “Flipper,” a gregarious, sitcom dolphin. However, I may pitch the theme park idea–when I’m back in Hollywood.
Dana Chalupa, “Entertainment Newsbit,” Imaginary News Network, Hollywood©